Bum Wars: The Passion of the Bum
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This story is able the will inside of a man. A will so strong that despite the incredible odds, he would still forge on to obtain his dream
This man would push on thru his obstacles and come out a better person in the end… Or would he? Hmmm. Let’s find out in Bum Wars
Couple years back I was on a long road trip from New Hampshire to Florida. Being owt as they say. 2 and a half weeks with all my possessions
Driving by myself in a car. Just going from school to school, city to city, being “that bruh”. Maybe not the wisest but certainly fun af
Anyways. I’m driving singing my ass off. Trey Songz album Trey Day is bumpin down the interstate I’m singin everythang!
“she said, I ain’t ready to have no babies! Jumped up put my clothes back on, just about to get some had I make a store run!” I was killin!
So I’m leaving Virginia Union University heading south and I got famished so I said why not get some food?
I mean usually people get food when they re hungry right? Well apparently not all, but we will get to that later… I started to look
Lo and behold I see a sign that says “Waffle House… Nigga u know u want some” and well damn it I sure did, so I pulled off
The waffle house was bout a half mile off the exit and I had to stop at a light, now at this light was a black bum… I rolled up my window
He looked me dead in the face and I coulda sworn he mouthed “Niggas ain’t shit”… Well u bum ass nigga u ain’t shit either clearly
I made the right then pulled on the lot.
Mind u, I had allllll of my possessions with me in this car, it was full up to the ceiling essentially with no room for a passenger
Therefore I couldn’t just leave my car too far away from the spot so I parked close to the window were I saw a free booth.
Walking up to the door there was another bum sitting Indian style with a VUU hoodie, raiders skully, and bright neon sweats, no shoes
This particular bum was white… This was our conversation…
Bum: hey man I’m hungry and need some money for a waffle or biscuit. Me: man I can’t give u that but if I have some left ill give it
Bum: no, I don’t want that. I want some money *jingles cup*. Me: look man I said I can’t. Ain’t u hongry? I’m a give u some food.
Bum: no. I dot want that! I want some money! *jingles cup harder*. Me: oh my bad I couldn’t hear u with all that jingling *walks off*
I walk in and sit down. The server/cook/security guard comes over and asks what I want to drink
2this day, and I have gone 2 seemingly hundreds of waffle house establishments but I have only seen with my 2eyes in person some1 attractive
Well there have been 3 attractive women but still. 3 outta 1493 employees ain’t good odds at all. An this lady wasn’t one of three
So I asked her. “hey Wassup with that bum outside? I mean not only is he a grown man sittin Indian style, but he’s annoying ur customers”
She says “well he has been there a while”. I said “so what he owns the spot or sumn?! He said he was hongry then said he aint want food!”
She said “look he ain’t hongry he just want money for liquor. But there’s another bum that comes up here and they fight so we like to watch”
I say “well I wish they would do that tonight. I want some entertainment hahaha… Lemme crank that water tho shawty”
I get my water like I always do, and me being the savvy person I am I ask for a refill of sprite just to see what they gone say
So I’m sippin and waiting for my all star meal to come and all of a sudden I hear a bang on the window
I turned around and sure enough it’s the white bum outside screaming at the top of his lungs…
As he was screaming I could see the black bum from earlier running toward him at full speed
The black bum stopped about a car length away from the white bum. He screamed “MUH FUKA didn’t I say to never come back?!”
The white bum said Nuthin… “MUH FUKA I know u hear me! DIDNT I SAID THAT?!”
Now by this time I think to myself, that’s grammatically incorrect, it should be “didn’t I SAY that” but I guess that wasn’t his point
Still the white bum said nothing… Bad idea
Just then the black bum started chopping his feet then ran full speed at the white bum… Dude tackled him like LT
I was like daaaaaaaaamn *smokey voice* and now everybody was at the window looking at the bum fight
Just as we get to the window and expect the white bum to be laying there gettin hammer fisted by the black bum, the black bum vanished
Now it was pretty dark outside but Fo real. How did he disappear that quick?! I mean I’ve never heard of a ninja bum
The white bum got up and looked around scared like a mug cuz he didn’t even know where the dude sucked off or if he was coming back
Just then I saw from the corner of my eye, a black shadow zooming by… BOOM! Blind sided the hell outta white bum into the door
The door flung open and they both fell down… Scrambling around to get away, the white bum saw sumn
Now if it was me, after than blind side, I woulda been like ay man u got it. I don’t need this spot, I was wrong. Then bounced
But naaaaaw white bum had heart. Let’s call him Rudy. And let’s call the black bum Mike Tyson.
Rudy got up and saw a chair in the corner, he picked it up and slammed Iron Mike in the back repeatedly
I’m thinkin to myself “damn, the things u do for a 4loko and some hash brown smothered and covered”
Mike is obviously hurt by this time and still gettin slammed on the back. Somehow he gets up an Rudy tries to go for the closer…
He swings the chair around his head then throws it him but mike ducks. The glass breaks and I say oh damn not my grits!
I run over to my plate nd move it so I didn’t have to eat glass, I mean damn I was still hungry but this was a good ass fight
Mike ducked that chair throw and then grabbed Rudy… He took him the the nearest car… Then slammed him on the hood
Then he slammed him again…
And then he slammed him on the hood again…
Now had that have been my car I would have ha to jump in that fight but since it wasn’t I can say that like A real goon
Anyways black bum Mike steps over the worn out white bum Rudy and comes inside
Everybody lookin at this nigga like he’s a god and I even step aside cuz I damn sure ain’t tryin to get slammed on the hood of a ca
Mike goes to the bar and sits down like ain’t a damn thing happen then says “aye Wanda gimme a chocolate milk and a patty melt!”
I go back to finish my food real quick so I could hurry up and get outta there before sumn pop off again and I get in it
I pay and get my change and walk outside with my leftovers and change. To my surprise, Rudy was still there sittin Indian style again
I said “aye man u want this food or not?!” he said “look I told u I don’t want that! I want the monies! *jingles cup*”
I shook my head and gave that man a dollar and 17 cents… “here man u need this tonight, u earned it”
He said “thanks… Muh fuka” then he stood up and limped his cripple ass across the street…
The power of the drink is mighty. The passion of the bum is mightier.