My Perp Life: The Kappa Shimmy
This story is about the time Impersonated being a Kappa at UAB for a night…
Many of my friends know that I have never really been found of the men of Kappa Alpha Psi Phi Nu Pi since high school and the “Kappa League”
These boys where influenced by these grown men to have parties and in the middle of parties put oil on each others bodies n say they pretty
Iono bout y’all but I never want another man oiling me up talm bout “aye Bruh like for real doe, u pretty af Bruh damn”
Just doesn’t seem right in my book but I digress
So me and my homeboy roadtrippin up from Mobile the summer after my senior year in high school to UAB
My best friend and a lot of his homeboys that I already knew were living there and going to that school
Apparently the Kappas there always threw great parties with a lot of women… Women love gay niggas. It’s science
So just to give u a time frame in Bham. They threw this party at the Continental which is now renamed and some kinda strip club
So earlier that evening I found out we going to this kappa party there and I was like “oh lemme practice my shimmy” niggas 😂 as I practiced
So we all drinkin and vibin and women came over and they see me slow shimmy on em and was like “damn he a kappa?”
At that point I paused. I thought to myself “is my shimmy really that good or did she just call me a fag?”
I decided to go with the former and believe that my shimmy was mean thus giving the illusion that hey I can be a kappa for the night
I know I know. That’s a flawed line of thinkin but hey. I was practically a high school nigga drinking heavily for my 3rd time. Shrug
I told a couple people what I planned on doing that night but hindsight I realized them niggas really didn’t believe me
What was even funnier tho is that my favorite color is blue and I was wearing that mostly so in all honesty I coulda looked sigma ish
We roll out to the party. Deep af. It’s like 10-12 niggas with us and we ready to go ham in the spot
Just as advertised bitches was everywhere. I call em bitches cuz like Katt Williams said I don’t know their names individually
We get in the spot and I start mackin. I mean I was tryin to holla at allllll the college bitties in there. Thick, slim, tall, midgets, etc
We go and post up on the side of te club and start dancing n shit and I’m looking around and seeing different feats stroll
I see the alphas.. Nope It was the sigmas looking like alphas steeping
I saw the alphas and that annoying ass whistle blowing in my ear… Like nigga we see u coming why u trying to sound like a train conductor
Then I see da Bruhz and they straight up hopped thru and I swear I seent a bitch get drop kicked in the noggin… She shoulda moved
Then I see the Kappas shimmying… I then remembered my proclamation
As they shimmied past our group I jumped in the line at the end and proceeded to throw up the “Yo” and make my way around the club
I am killing this shimmy like a mug tho. Leg kick high *BOAW* drop it back down *BOAW BOAW* slow titty shake and roll *BAYOW*
Niggas could not tell me I wasn’t killing it and the bitches even was runnin on my head too.
Now again at this point I had to think to myself. Am I really suppose to be a Kappa? Is this my natural state? Am I really enjoying this?
I don’t mind gayness. I have gay friends. BUT I can’t get with it tho and I saw in the corner of my eye two Kappas tonguing each other down
Nope not for me! My nigga naaaaaaw
So as I continued to shimmy around the club for a second time I noticed that there were other kappas behind me that joined the line
I’m like well damn I might as well keep goin now cuz if I dip out then they gone know the jig is up!
So again I hit that high leg kick *BOAW* then I dropped it low on them hoes *BOAW* an kept on goin around throwing that “Yo”
So as I’m nearing back to where I was standing with my niggas I notice they are looking for me and I yelled out to then “Yo Baby Yo!”
They looked up and saw it was me and my best friend snatched me out the line and started cussin me out… This is where it got funny
Mind you the whole time these Kappas thought I was one of them since I had been killing the club with my shimmy yet I had blue on
The Kappas that wearing strolling behind me saw this man snatch me up and start cussin so they decided to Intervene
“Aye man what the fuck you trying to do with our brother?!” They exclaimed amidst the masses
I said “hey hey hey man brother guy, it’s ok, we just having a chat” as I shook my shoulders real slowly
Ya see I learned that night that apparently when ya shake ya shoulders real slow to a kappa that lowers their guard. They relax
It’s like the guy with the flute that be playing it to the cobra in a basket. It’s mesmerized them. Slow shoulder shake.
Anyways when I said that the Kappa fella said “aye we just trying to make sure ur good brother…” I said “Cornelius”
Everyone should have a fake name. I chose mine to be Cornelius.
Now see there were several Mobile niggas ready 2 have a reason to stomp these niggas out so I really wasn’t worried but the Kappas backed up
As they went by my homies told me how dumb I was but the whole time I was thinkin…What if that was da Bruhz? Would I be here telling this?
That moment was pivotal in my aspirations in Greek life. I realized that as long as I could high kick *BOAW* and drop it low *BOAW BOAW*
Thats all i needed and could be a kappa if I wanted to… Yeaaaah that’s not for this guy
Anyways as we dip out I saw one of the Kappa gents that were shimmying behind me.
He asked “hey my brother Cornelius, are you gonna be by the frat house later?!” I exclaimed “yes! I wouldn’t miss it 4 the world brohamity!”
Of course I didn’t go… I took my ass home and smanged a nice young lady. Great way to cap the night